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Every time we achieve something – big or small – we see a version of ourselves that we didn’t even know existed until now. It is within this space, of who we were and who we realized we could become through this accomplishment, that the burden of our potential falls on our shoulders. It’s exciting, it’s surprising, it’s humbling. this is wonderful. But it is also stressful, anxiety-provoking, identity-shifting, and impotent syndrome-rendering. This is hell.
gasner oetting
It’s amazing and it’s hell. This is Wonderhall.
It’s wonderful because we see what else we can become. But this is hell as we know that the path to get there is surely beset with possibilities of failure.
Let’s not fake it till we make it
Fear of failure limits our ability to determine who we are when we are at our best—to set the pattern as a leader when we are our best selves. If we try to prevent failure by acting like we know what we’re doing, we’ll be perpetuating that pattern: acting Like we know what we’re doing. We won’t really learn to do it. Nor will we know why and how it works – or whether we actually find that work personally meaningful.
You might think that if you keep faking it, you’ll never fail. But this setup forces you to speak using other people’s voices and use other people’s mannerisms. You try to control everything and end up controlling nothing. Instead of holding the reins too tightly, you need to allow space for trying new things, for failure, and for feedback. This approach will provide more insight into the areas where you are out of harmony, so you can focus on the things that really matter and draw attention to those things.
Reclassify Failure From Finale to Fulcrum
We teach our students that failure is part of the process. Each new school year, they repeat the process of adopting the beginner’s mindset. They explore algebra, and then it’s time for geometry. They explore geometry, and then it’s time for trigonometry. Then, they explore trigonometry, and — grab the phone! – Cullen is at home. Over and over again, year after year, our children learn that this beginner’s mindset is not the right one. It is necessary. This is how they grow.
Some of the most successful people on our planet credit these moments in school for helping them do what they’ve never done before. Sergey Brin and Larry Page, co-founders of Google, are both children of academics, yet when asked how it helped them become successful start-up entrepreneurs, they point to their Montessori school training, Where there was no failure or impasse – just new questions to ask. “Part of that training was to be self-motivated,” Page explains, “to question what’s going on in the world, to do things a little differently.”
Yet somewhere along the line, we adults forget this lesson. We are hired to do something because, at one point in time, we demonstrated competence in that thing. We get paid, praised and even promoted for it. Then time passes, and we become so fearful that if we try something else, we may fail. We think failure is final, but we must remember that failure is the foundation: the place where we learn and grow and innovate and iterate.
take lessons from the pros
Serena Williams is one of the fiercest competitors to ever grace the tennis court (or any athletic platform, for that matter), and yet in practice, she doesn’t spend all her time working on what she’s perfected. . She does some of them, of course, to create patterns and to make sure that certain shots were not mere accidents. But spending more time being uncomfortable—fixing what isn’t working, delving deeper into the cave of pain and facing his failures—ensures he always comes out stronger.
Is the fear of failure, the agony of work, and the uncertainty of outcome any less attractive to Serena than it is to you or me? I doubt it. To get better, each of us has to dance with the demons that live in the darkest depths of the caverns of our personal pain, yelling at us to slow down, to give in, to stop. While those caves may look different to each of us, exquisite, localized, personal pain feels exactly the same.
Author and executive coach Laura Gassner Oetting inspires people to overcome the doubt and indecision that limit great ideas. help the audience Think big and take on big challenges and provide strategic thinking in start-up, corporate, non-profit, political and philanthropic scenarios. Gassner Oetting has written three books, including “wonderhell: Why Success Doesn’t Feel Like It Should…What to Do About It,” “limitless: How to Ignore Everyone, Make Your Own Way and Live Your Best Life,” and “mission drive: Moving from profit to purpose.
The views expressed by SmartBrief contributors are their own.
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